Am I A Bad Mom?

Have you ever been around a herd of moms raving about alllllllll of the amazing things they are doing and buying for their kids? It sounds like this…

“Bella’s gymnastic class is tonight and then we are taking her straight to dance lessons.”

“I just bought Cody a brand new pair of skis. He is going to take ski lessons right after he shows everyone his moves on his new snowmobile.”

“Jenna is killing it in swim class. I just bought her the cutest swimsuit.”

“We are all going to Florida and then when we get back the kids have to make up all of their astronaut classes and deep-sea diving lessons.”

When I hear this stuff, one of two things will happen. I will either:

1) Give an over exaggerated eye roll and defensive self talk "are these people kidding me? I have three kids, work full time, have SH*T to do...aint nobody got time for that"

2) Get the nagging sensation that tells me to BUY MORE things for my kids. I need to enroll them in dance, swim, gymnastics, music, ski, lessons. I need to get them more stuff, I need to get them more things so they can be happy and love their lives.

But when push comes to shove, I dread lessons, and I despise rushing my kids around from place to place, and I don’t have the money to do everything in the world for them.

So then there I am, feeling bad about what I cannot do, feeling down about my parenting and lack of motivation OR becoming defensive.…AKA mom guilt.

But I have amazing news for all of you mamas out there who feel like they aren’t doing enough or feel bad that we don't feel bad for doing enough ( I think you get what I mean)…. Our kids do not need all the toys, gadgets, electronics and clothes in the world. They do not need every single hour of their day being scheduled and structured with lessons and classes. And they also do not need you by their side 24/7 showing them how to do everything (so keep sipping that hot coffee sister, Johnny will be fine).

In fact, all of these “things” can actually overstimulate our kiddos and cause them a lot of stress. Too many planned activities and too much structure with little down time also inhibits them from being creative! According to a million child psychologists in the world, (that citation might be a little off ha) and counselor, educator and researcher, Kim John Payne, what our children need is simplicity. So, what does that look like and WHY does it work?

To explain, I am going to quote Kim John Payne on a few key points that really stuck out to me and alleviated my mom guilt like no other…

1) “What’s rare is precious”

a. The less stuff a child has in their home, the more value they will put on the things they DO have. Who cares about books when you have a 100 of them? But give a kid 5 books, and they will treasure those babies like they are gold.

2) “Unstructured play prepares them for an unstructured world”

a. Our world is chaotic, unpredictable and can be pretty harsh. It is not black and white and it certainly does not spoon feed us every answer. By cutting down the planned activities, we are encouraging our children to freely explore the world around them which leads to problem solving and sense of self (trust me when I say every play therapist in the world is screaming “I TOLD YOU SO” right now).

3) “Boredom is the precursor to creativity”

a. Ever seen a bored kid create a car out of a cardboard box? I have. When our kids tell us they are bored, pat yourself on the back mama, you are doing a great job. This provides our children with an opportunity to create something out of nothing! Something our world depends on! We need creative people who are driven in the work force. Not people who need everything served to them on a silver platter like a robot.

4) “Giving our kids everything makes them weak and entitled”

a. I don’t think I need to provide anymore explanation on this one. It's powerful on its own.

5) The “ideal" schedule is: 1/3 Downtime 1/3 creative play 1/3 busy

a. So, what if you are the mom who has all the planned activities and all of the structure in the world? You are still a wonderful parent. Kids need structure too! Being a part of team sports build character and promotes connection with others. Having music lessons teaches discipline and respect. Kids need these things too! But know, you can take a breath every now and then and it will be beneficial to all.

So, if you are doing too much or not doing "enough" according to your mom meter, let me tell you this..you have the permission to slow down, relax and to remove some pressure from yourself. Like everything, parenting is a balance. The simpler we can make it on ourselves, the easier our lives will be 😊

If you are interested in learning more about creating a value centered home or simplistic parenting, head over to https://www.simplicityparenting.com/the-movement-an-overview/

XOXO Jessie