Welcome to my day to day struggle. This crazy balance between wanting to be one type of parent (the mindful one) and actually being a completely different type (the one that sounds a heck of a lot like my dad when I was 5).
I am sure you have heard the phrase Mindful Parenting tossed around here and there. It’s kind of the buzz topic on all the parenting magazines at the doctor’s office, and all the celebrities that are having babies these days are all zen mamma, yoga daddy, mindful parents of the year right? But really, for us everyday folk, what in the world is mindful parenting?
Is it going to keep me from losing my mind on the daily?
Won’t it make my kids disrespectful and spoiled?
Here's where I would like to clear the air of a few things with regard to what I mean when I claim the title of Mindful Parent.
-Just because I claim to be a mindful parent DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T LOSE MY FREAKING MIND! Because I most certainly do! But I try to use strategies that cut down on the amount of times that I lose it (that's mindful parenting). And I also use strategies, post blow up, to mend what has happened in a particular situation and make an emotional repair with my kids (also mindful parenting).
-Mindfulness is not all yoga and meditation, especially where parenting is concerned. Sure we can use yoga and meditation as tools for ourselves and for our children that can help us to soothe our bodies, calm our minds, or work through tough situations. But really, mindful parenting is a beautiful balance between having rules and boundaries, while also allowing your child some flexibility within those boundaries to be a human.
-Yep, you read that right. Did you ever think of your kid as a human? I mean of course you have, but really? Your child is a person of their own. An individual, attempting to figure out the world. They aren't little people that we are made to shape and direct. They are people, who need to be taught through modeling, nurturing, boundaries and life lessons what it means to interact on this planet. What I mean is, kids have the same needs that we do. They have a need to be loved, respected, HEARD, fed, nurtured, and the list goes on and on. All humans are looking for fulfillment, and we behave (positively or negatively) directly in response to how we have learned to get those needs met.
- And lastly, I think mindful parenting is simply recognizing that some days, you just don't parent the way that you hoped. That you sometimes handle a situation badly and you want to work to not do that again. So if you are completely content with the way you parent, however that may be, I'm not here to tell you to do something different. I'm talking to the mom who mentally beats herself up every time she freaks out at her kid, and can't figure out how to make that happen less often. Yeah, that's you. That's who I'm talking to. You are not alone girl! Mindful parenting may be a path you would like to explore. I can sense it because you already have the mindful piece down! You are already aware or your behavior and seeking alternative responses. Maybe you just need the direction to find it?
Now I’m not gonna pretend for a second that it’s not easier said than done. Because it sure as shit is! But I do know one thing for sure. I’m gonna try. Everyday. With everything I have. Because this is what I want for my kids. This is what we ALL want for our kids. We want them to feel valued. We want them to feel heard. We want them to feel loved and appreciated for all that they bring to the table (poop conversations, boogers at dinner) and all. That is how we hope people would treat us right? Not the poop and boogers but... you get where I'm headed. And if we teach our kids these skills now, then we are changing the world for the better. We are raising children that take other people's feelings and actions into consideration. Children that respect other individual's boundaries. And children that recognize that sometimes, people are just in crappy mood because they had a crappy day, and that this too will pass and they can continue on.
To all my mindful mamas, struggling to stay on the sane side of patience, here's to you!
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